The coach-athlete bond: What COACHES do differently (that managers can learn from)
Coaches and managers have similar jobs - unlock the potential of their teams. But in practice, those relationships feel very different. Why? What do coaches do differently?
I have had many world-class coaches over the years.
Coaches I trust without question.
Coaches who have helped me become one of the best in the world.
Coaches for whom I will train to complete exhaustion just to earn a ‘good job’ and a smile.
Coaches who have carried me off the field when I’ve been injured. Coaches who have stood by me at my dad’s funeral. Coaches who have come back to coach me after an accident on their watch left a teammate quadriplegic.
But I haven’t had too many managers like that.
What is it about the coach-athlete relationship that is so special? And why do we so rarely see it in the workplace?
This is a 2 part series. Part 1 focuses on coaches/managers. Part 2 on athletes/employees.
The number one quality coaches have
I stood on the trampoline, terrified to re-attempt the skill I’d just fallen on. In trampolining, falling isn’t just scary, it can be deadly. You are 9 meters in the air, flipping upside down. If it goes wrong…
‘You’ve got this,’ said my coach.
And because she believed I could, I found the courage to try again.
I faced the barbell in front of me, loaded with more weight than I’d ever lifted. The clock ticked down, I had 20 seconds left to make the attempt. 20 seconds to go for the win. I looked at my CrossFit coach in the crowd, and he stared back with unwavering certainty. He had no doubt. His certainty had me stepping up to the barbell with confidence.
‘Straight after the time out, serve middle. And then, when you get to 18-all that’s when you want to switch the defensive pattern to a cross block.’ My beach volleyball coach was walking through our strategy for beating the number 1 team in the country. He’s a brilliant strategist. And not once did he talk about ‘if’ I could win, every phrase was about ‘how’ to win.
All of my coaches had one thing in common: BELIEF. It is the single most important thing coaches bring to the coach-athlete relationship.
Everything else comes after this.
My coaches believed in me. And that is where all the magic started.
Belief in what?
We aren’t talking about a pretty picture on Instagram with ‘I believe in you’ splashed across the caption.
In fact, the best coaches never even use the word ‘believe’. But as an athlete, I still felt it.
Belief in what exactly? If I had to summarise, I’d say POTENTIAL. As a coach, do you believe in your athlete’s potential?
I’m not the best in the world yet. I haven’t beaten that team yet. I can’t do that skill yet. And I’m not strong enough yet. But I can be.
And my coach believes that.
Here are 4 practical ways that coaches show their belief in athletes (without ever using the word ‘belief’), and why this often falls down in the workplace.
I’d love to see more managers working with their employees in the same way my sporting coaches worked with me as an athlete. It’s magic.
1) Shared goals
‘I want to get the Full In Rudi Out trick into my routine for National Championships,’ I told my trampoline coach. I was 17 years old, proposing doing a trick with two somersaults, two and half twists, in a pike position, 9 meters up in the air.
‘Nationals are in 3 months, and you’ve just started learning it…’ my coach trailed off.
‘I know,’ I said.
And we just stared at each other, before grins broke out on both our faces.
3 months later, at Nationals, I started my routine with the brand new trick.
In the best coach-athlete relationships goals are set together.
No one sets a goal they don’t think they have a chance of achieving. So when you set goals with your coach, you must both believe that outcome is possible. As an athlete, shared goals presuppose that your coach believes in you.
But in the workplace… Managers don’t know their employees goals (and they don’t really ask)
‘What are your career goals?’
‘Get promoted.’
I’ve had this conversation so many times. It’s deception on both sides. It’s a safe conversation. It’s what’s expected of us.
But it’s hard to believe in an employee’s potential if you don’t truly know what their aspirations are.
Your first step as a manager is to make an employee feel safe enough to share their true goals (even if long term that means they’ll need to leave the team or company). Then you have to make them shared goals. And finally you have the extra step of making the achievement of those personal goals align with the company’s KPIs.
As a manager, only when you know and share your employees goals are you showing up with belief.
2) Raising ambition
‘We just need to place top 3 to qualify for the CrossFit World Games,’ my teammate said. ‘If we hold our placing for the final day of competition we’ll make it.’
‘That’s true, said our coach. ‘But let’s win the whole damn thing,’
And we did.
In the best coach-athlete relationships, coaches help athletes raise ambition even higher.
Think of your craziest ambition. The secret one that you’re too embarrassed to tell anyone. The one your friends would laugh at, and your family would tell you to ‘be more realistic’.
You know you’ve got a great coach if you tell them that ambition and they don’t even blink. Instead they ask, ‘why not aim higher’?
But in the workplace… Managers can fear for their roles when ambitions get too high.
As an athlete my coach need never fear this. She will never be standing on the opposite side of the net competing against me in a tournament. But as an employee, if I get really good at my job, then I’d get promoted to my manager’s job.
Excellent managers believe in their own potential to keep growing just as fast as their employees, so they never need to fear being supplanted. And some rare managers are genuinely joyful when the student surpasses the teacher.
To show belief, you have to support ambition - not suppress it.
3) Holding high standards
I love off-season. Usually. The chance to spend months honing your skills, knowing that when you step back onto the beach volleyball court you’ll be so much better.
I love off-season. Except for 2016. That year, I hated it.
I walked into training with my coach Chris. And he put a plastic chair on the opposite of the court. Near the baseline in the middle of the court.
‘Hit the chair with the volleyball’ he said.
‘Ok…’ It didn’t seem too hard.
’20 times. Before the end of the session. Each time I will make the defense more difficult for you.’ He wasn’t lying on the defense. I’d have to sprint flat out to dig a cut shot on the left side, then run all the way around the court to hit a back set near the antenna on the right side of the court.
20 was definitely a challenge. But Chris had always walked the line between stretching me with drills and making them achievable. I figured it’d be tough, but I’d be able to do it.
I was wrong. Very wrong. That day I hit the chair 7 times.
‘Oh well,’ I thought. That wasn’t a good day. But next session we’d recalibrate and do an easier drill.
2 days later, I came back to training.
Chris put the chair on the court, and said ‘We keep doing this until you hit it 20 times in a single session.’ Oh crap.
I hit it 10 times.
The next session. He just put the chair down, and didn’t say a word.
And the next session.
And the next.
I’d hit the ball so close to the chair that the breeze would make it wobble. He wouldn’t count those reps. I’d knock the chair over on the bounce of the ball. And he didn’t count those reps. There were many times where I would leave training in tears of frustration. And he never budged. The drill never changed.
It’s rare to find a coach with the patience (or maybe the stubbornness!) to make an athlete do this. Any guesses how long it took?
6 months. The entire off-season.
Now, I can hit deep middle from anywhere on the court. From any set. From any play.
I celebrated finishing the drill with a huge sigh of relief, and a little dance in the sand, and later that night a block of chocolate. Chris just smiled and gave me a high five. Low key as always.
I came back to training the next week so excited. Finally, we were done with that drill.
And Chris just smiled, got the chair out, and put it in a new spot on the court.
Game on.
In the best coach-athlete relationships, coaches hold the standard high.
Standards are the minimum level of acceptable performance. By holding high standards, a coach is showing that they believe the athlete can meet that level.
But in the workplace… Managers are trained to focus on outcomes. They stop coaching when an employee reaches competence. If the job is getting done, then there is no reason to keep raising standards.
There is zero belief required for competence. You’ve done the job before, so you can obviously do it again.
If you are a manager, keep raising your standards and believing that your team can meet them.
4) Personalising their coaching
‘Go home,’ said my coach. I flinched.
‘Home?’ I asked. There is no greater punishment as an athlete than getting sent home early from training.
‘You need a break,’ he said. ‘It’s been a huge week, and you’ll do better tomorrow with a rest. I’m not upset with you.’
‘You’re not leaving the gym until you can do 50 double skips in a row,’ is what my coach opened with.
‘50? But I’ve never made it past 15…’
‘That’s not good enough. You’re not leaving until you can do 50.’
I tripped on the rope. I cursed. I threw my rope at the wall in frustration. I lost count of how many times I’d messed up on the 49th rep. Around me the gym emptied out completely as every other athlete finished their training and went home.
3.5 hours later I finally left the gym. 50 reps done.
Both of these situations were the same coach. And they happened on back-to-back days.
In the best coach-athlete relationships, coaches personalise their coaching.
They don’t just personalise their coaching style to each athlete - just like some of us need to skip more, and some of us need to squat more - some athletes need more pressure, or more encouragement, or more variety, or more fun.
Coaches also personalise their style based on how the athlete is feeling and performing each day.
Personalisation shows that your coach is paying attention. That they are changing things just for you. That they think you are worth the time and care it takes to make individual adjustments to how they coach.
And coaches wouldn’t waste that time and care if they didn’t believe in the athlete.
But in the workplace… Managers don’t have the skillset to personalise their coaching.
We promote skilled individual contributors to managers. And then we expect them to do a completely new job, without any training.
Personalisation takes immense skill. Managers need to be able to identify what motivates each employee. What communication style they prefer. What work environment they need. What strengths they can contribute to the team. What rewards they respond to. And more.
And then managers need to fluidly change their own style to match each employee in each moment.
Not easy.
The more skilful managers can become at this, the more belief their employees will feel.
It all comes down to one thing
I have had many world-class coaches over the years.
Coaches I trust without question.
Coaches who have helped me become one of the best in the world.
Coaches for whom I will train to complete exhaustion just to earn a ‘good job’ and a smile.
Coaches who have carried me off the field when I’ve been injured. Coaches who have stood by me at my dad’s funeral. Coaches who have come back to coach me after an accident on their watch left a teammate quadriplegic.
These coaches are special because they showed BELIEF.
And by taking the lessons from sport - by sharing goals, raising ambition, holding high standards, and personalising coaching - we can bring that same specialness to the workplace.
The magic of coach-athlete and manager-employee relationships all starts with one thing.
Belief.
Great read and the best coach I had got me to believe to that I could be way better than I ever thought I could be. Will be forever in his debt for teaching me that.