Change your story. Own your words.
The very best leaders take extreme ownership. They view everything as their responsibility - including the language they use and the stories they tell. How will you change your stories?
We all tell stories.
We share our history. Shape our vision for the future. Pitch a company, or an idea. Reminisce on a memory. Tell a funny anecdote. Talk about our company or industry. Relive a career highlight.
All stories.
We think that our stories are true. A representation of the facts. But all stories are personal, shaped by our own perception and interpretation. We might experience the same things, but we all author our stories differently.
You hold the pen.
The music was loud. The beat drowned out the thump of my heartbeat, and my ragged breathing. The workout was short and intense, as CrossFit workouts often are. As many sit-ups as you can do in a minute. As many box jumps as you can do in the second minute. And as many squats as you can do in the third minute. Repeat this circuit for twelve minutes.
Jump. Up. Down. Up. Down.
It was minute five of the workout, my second round of box jumps.
I was winning. A small smile spread across my face.
Up. Down. Up. Down. A steady and familiar routine. A movement I’d done a million reps of in the past. No thoughts except the push to go faster. And faster. Music blaring. Breath in and out. Pulse thumping in my throat. Legs feeling powerful. Strong. Sweat flicking from my forehead to the floor on each rep. Just a few more to go…
…Snap.
People say it sounds like a gunshot. And honestly, that’s exactly how it feels. . The pain is awful, but the sound… there can’t be a worse sound than hearing your own tendons snap.
‘March 1st, 2018’, the date read at the top of my hospital report. ‘Full rupture of the left Achilles tendon.’ The doctor's handwriting was a smooth scrawl like he’d seen my injury a thousand times already and it meant nothing to him. But if I’d held the pen, my words would’ve been jagged and sharp, and the paper soggy with a puddle of my tears.
The injury he’d seen a thousand times, may have just ruined my entire career. Definitely my entire sporting year. The recovery time for an achilles rupture is a minimum of 12 months.
As I lay there, sobbing, in the hospital emergency room, the story I told myself was… ‘my sporting career is probably over. And even if it’s not, I’ll never be as good as I was.’
But, when I called my coach to tell him the news, he had a completely different story.
‘Christie, this sucks, and I’m really sorry,’ he told me. ‘But this will allow us to isolate your skills and rebuild your technique from the ground up. We can improve your arm swing, fix your footwork, improve your hand-eye coordination. If you were off competing internationally this year, you never would have had this chance to improve.’
That’s why he’s my coach.
He changed my story.
“We assume that our circumstances shape our stories. But what I found time and again in my work is that the exact opposite happens. The way we narrate our lives shapes what they become..” ~ Lori Gottlieb, TED talk here
What story do you need to change?
When I speak to organisations and teams I ask: ‘What are the stories you hear all the time?’
This is the easy part. People fill sheets of paper in rapid succession. We’ve all heard (and used) stories at work so often they become catch phrases. If we’re honest, we use them in our personal lives too.
And then I challenge people to change those stories.
The very best leaders take extreme ownership. They view everything as their responsibility - from the language they use to the stories they tell.
“On any team, in any organisation, all responsibility for success and failure rests with the leader. The best leaders don’t just take responsibility for their jobs. They take extreme ownership of everything that impacts their mission.” ~Jocko Willink
What if you changed your stories at work?
Market conditions
From: ‘It’s a tough market’
To: ‘The very best companies are built in recessions’
Fundraising
From: ‘No one is getting funding right now’
To: ‘Without this pressure we’d never have the same focus on profitability’
New projects
From: ‘We need more resources’
To: ‘I’ve never been part of such an insanely resourceful team’
Hiring
From: ‘There’s a hiring freeze’
To: ‘How could we make this project so fascinating that people would want to help us for free?’
Development
From: ‘My boss never gives me feedback so it’s hard to improve’
To: ‘I’m so lucky to have an elite manager that I can observe and copy’
Other team dependencies
From: ‘Legal will never sign off on that idea’
To: ‘Let’s make legal part of our team from the beginning’
Executive approval
From: ‘Decision making is bottlenecked’
To: ‘We haven’t yet demonstrated enough capability for the execs to delegate these decisions to us’
Accountability
From: ‘That’s not our team’s responsibility’
To: ‘We’re all on the same team, we work for the same company’
Meetings
From: ‘I spend all my time in meetings’
To: ‘I love our collaborative culture, and I can get us to outcomes more quickly in meetings if I hear and address input from people before meetings’
Deadlines
From: ‘We’re moving too slowly, can we push out the deadline?’
To: ‘Our standard is we never miss a deadline to ship product’
Investing
From: ‘The market is crashing’
To: ‘Bad news is an investor’s best friend’ (this one is Warren Buffett)
“The story we tell about our lives, becomes the story of our life. The narrative we tell our team, business, brand, organisation or family becomes the story others eventually tell about us.” ~James Kerr, Legacy
And you changed your stories in your personal life?
Time
From: ‘I’m so busy’
To: ‘Ultimately, I’ve chosen everything that’s in my calendar’
Hosting
From: ‘I don’t host because everyone is so flaky these days’
To: ‘This year I’m creating gatherings so good people will have FOMO if they miss them’
Dating
From: ‘There are no good people to date - all the great ones are taken’
To: ‘I’ve seen so many great men / women in relationships. I know there are epic people out there, and now I’ve seen what kind of relationship I want’
Costs
From: ‘It’s a cost of living crisis’
To: ‘If I can still save and invest now - even a little - I’ll have amazing habits for when the economy recovers’
Starting a business
From: ‘I want to start a company, but I can’t quit my job’
To: ‘Most of the best companies were started in someone’s spare time and spare room’
Exercise
From: ‘I’m too tired to exercise’
To: ‘I have so much more energy after I work out’
Learning
From: ‘I don’t know how to…’
To: ‘I don’t know how to… yet’
If you’re stuck, here are 4 of my favourite words to change your mind - and your stories.
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” ~ Lao Tzu
Ownership is the key component
Language is powerful. And we all tell stories. All the time.
Each time you hear one, or think one, how can you rewrite it with more ownership? With more leadership?
That year I spent 3 weeks in plaster with crutches. Then 5 weeks in a moon boot. It was 4 months until I could walk normally. 8 months until I could jump. 10 months until I could play beach volleyball again. I did 145 gym sessions. Went to 56 physio appointments. Did over 2500 calf raises. And more tears than I can count.
I stepped on the sand for my first tournament a year later.
I could have told myself the story: ‘You’ve been injured for a year whilst everyone else has been playing. You’re behind.’
But my coach and I worked on a new story: ‘Watch out, I’ve spent a year fixing all those weaknesses. You don’t want to be on the other side of the net from me now.’
I went on to play for Australia for another 4 years.
Rewrite your story. You hold the pen.