The coach-athlete bond: What ATHLETES do differently (that employees can learn from)

Athletes have a magical bond with their coach. What is it that they bring to the relationship that is missing from the manager-employee dynamic?

I have had many coaches over a 30 year sporting career. 

They have helped me stand on top of the podium. They have jumped up and down to celebrate huge wins with me. They have hugged me when I’ve fallen short (or fallen off when it comes to trampolining). They have pushed me to be better, held me to higher standards, and taught me everything they know. 

My coaches have shaped who I am as an athlete and a person. 

But I haven’t had too many managers like that. 

What is it about the coach-athlete relationship that is so special? And why do we so rarely see it in the workplace? 

Last post I wrote about the number one quality the best coaches and managers bring to relationship: Belief. 

All relationships have two sides - so if coaches bring belief, what is it that athletes bring that makes this partnership so special? And can employees do the same?

The number one quality athletes bring…

In the sport of CrossFit there are workouts so well known they have names. Murph. Helen. Annie. Grace. 

And the most well known one: Fran. 

They are the benchmarks that people around the world who compete in this sport use to compare fitness. 

‘Fran’ is a b*tch. The workout is a particularly nasty couplet of movements. Thrusters, where you hold the barbell on the front of your shoulders, squat to full depth, and then press the bar overhead as you stand up. Paired with pull-ups. 

21 thrusters. 21 pull-ups. 15 thrusters. 15 pull-ups. 9 thrusters. 9 pull-ups. A total of 90 reps. 

It sounds simple, the barbell only weighs 30 kilos for women (43kg for men), but a full effort universally leaves people sprawled out on the floor in agony. Gasping for air. Lactic acid burning through quad and tricep muscles. Questioning why we even do this sport. It’s not unusual for recovery to take half an hour or more. 

‘What’s your Fran time?’ is a question I’ve been asked countless times. Anything under 3 minutes is considered absolutely elite. That’s one rep every 2 seconds. My best time was 2:52. The world record sits at 1 minute 45 seconds. 

In 2014, our team had just qualified for the World CrossFit Games by winning the Australia and Asian Regional Championships, and training was in full swing. I was in the gym 11 sessions a week, 2-3 hours a session, and juggling that on top of a full time job. I was constantly sore. Each night I fell into bed, exhausted, and slept like the dead until my alarm would go off again at 4:30am. 

Every session was hard, but still, when my coach told us one morning ‘we’re doing Fran’, I knew today would be different. 

When you are training for the CrossFit Games every workout matters. Put the bar down for a couple of breaths of rest and 5 people would pass you in competition. Walk between the different exercises instead of jog, and you fall out of medal contention. Push your body past its limits and fail a rep, and you careened down the leaderboard. 

So that morning, me and my teammates put everything we had into Fran. And sure enough, in a little less than three minutes, I was lying on the floor in the recovery position just trying to breathe. 

‘Get up,’ said my coach. He looked at each of us. We looked at him in surprise.

‘What?’ panted out my teammate.

‘Get up,’ he repeated. ‘You did well, but we are going again… in 2 minutes.’

I crawled to my knees. ‘Again?’ I asked.

‘Yes,’ he said with certainty. 

None of us were recovered. And yet all of us stood up, and walked over to our barbells. Waiting for his mark. 

‘3-2-1… Go,’ said my coach. And we did. Again. 

When you are fresh, you can at least get through the round of 21 thrusters and 21 pull-ups before it starts hurting. It’s in the middle of the 15 thursters where the torture begins. 

But starting again 2 minutes later? The first rep burned. And it only got worse. Lactic acid is coursing through your veins.

I finished that second Fran workout in 4 minutes. Slower - obviously - but still a good time. I was proud to have made it. Proud to have pushed through the pain. And as I dropped from the pull-up bar for my final rep in the set of 9, my coach was waiting. 

‘2 minutes rest. And we go again.’

And we did. 

Triple Fran. That early morning training session is engraved on my memory. It was a completely unreasonable ask from our coach. 

But not one of us questioned him. 

Instead, we trusted him.

TRUST is the number one thing that athletes bring to the coach-athlete relationship that makes it so magical. 

Everything else comes after this.

Top of the pyramid trust

Before you get to the magic of the coach-athlete relationship, there are a couple of foundational things that need to be true. 

First, you have to believe that your job is safe, at least in the near term. If you think you might get cut from the team or laid off tomorrow, it’s hard to think about anything else. This is the base of the pyramid.

Second, you have to believe that you won’t face discrimination. If you can’t trust that you won’t be treated based on your performance rather than your gender, ethnicity, seniority, time in the role, or sexuality, then you can’t extend additional trust. 

With the foundation of those two things, we can start to talk about ‘top of the pyramid’ trust. The kind of trust that builds those magical relationships. 

It’s one thing to say ‘I trust you’. It’s another thing to put that into actions. Here are 4 ways athletes show that trust to their coach that employees can use in the workplace. 

1) Obedience

It’s a word that’s out-of-favour, but despite ‘obedience’ making you think of puppy training, it’s the most common way athletes and employees can show they trust their coach or manager.

When our CrossFit coach told us to do one of the toughest workouts possible three times in a row, none of us said ‘no’. None of us even asked ‘why?’

We trusted that our coach had:

• Thought about the goals of the team, and determined this task was important in order to meet those goals

• Considered our individual capabilities, and decided that we could do the task

• Looked at the workload of the team, and determined that we had the capacity to manage the extra workouts

In the best coach-athlete relationships, athletes are obedient.

That’s not to say athletes are robots who just do what they are told. Good coaches will explain why something is important. But I’ve had a coach that have asked me to do triple Fran. I’ve had a coach that asked me to do trampoline skills that have terrified me so much I cried before even getting on the trampoline. I’ve had a coach who made me repeat the same drill over and over and over again (for 6 months!) until I got it right. 

I trusted all of those coaches, and I was obedient. 

But in the workplace… we can sometimes revert to our inner 5 year old who repeatedly asks ‘but why’ every time we are given a task.

We use adult words, but the questioning is the same. 

‘Is this really a priority’

‘I thought you wanted me to work on X project this week’

‘Wouldn’t James be better suited to this task?’

‘How does this even align with our strategy?’

Instead, trust sounds like ‘yes I’ll do it, when do you need it?’

2) Honesty

‘How are you feeling today?’

‘Great coach!’

‘Any soreness? Any tiredness?’

‘Nope, I’m ready to go.’

This was me. 

For a long time, I thought that answering these questions honestly was an awful idea. As an athlete, I wanted to be tough, to show no weakness. So I deprived my coach of information he needed about my physical and mental freshness. I didn’t trust him enough to be honest. 

When I finally started being honest, my coach could program my workload with more accuracy, pick the right drills for me to do each day depending on my fatigue level, and adjust his coaching style to be more demanding or more supportive depending on my mental resilience. 

When I trusted him with honesty, I got better faster. 

In the best coach-athlete relationships, athletes are honest with their coaches.

But in the workplace… we often think honesty will be interpreted negatively.

So we don’t tell our manager:

• The honest feedback we have for them, in case it’s interpreted as criticism

• Our real workload, including all those things dropped on us from other teams or managers, in case we’re perceived as incapable

• When we messed up, in fear of being shamed or criticised

• What we are struggling with at home, in case it’s interpreted as not being as willing to put in the hours needed

• Our career aspirations within the company, in case our manager feels threatened that we want their role. Or our career aspirations beyond the company in case our manager thinks we are disloyal

• When we see bias in the company, in case we are seen as being overly sensitive

• Our skills gaps, in case we get passed over for promotion

• When we are in conflict with another team or employee, in case we are seen as lacking relationship building skills

• When we are unhappy at work, in case we are seen as complaining. 

Honesty is a sign you want the company to improve. Honesty is a sign you care about the place you work. 

Honesty is a sign you trust your manager. 

3) Respect

‘We’re playing one-on-one today,’ my beach volleyball coach said.

‘Again?’ I asked. We’d been doing it every session. And every session he beat me. I was getting tired of losing. 

‘Again,’ he said with a grin. I think he enjoyed beating me. 

I respect my coach because he is more skilful than me. 

‘I need you to be able to link the full-in-rudi out with the double-back pike,’ my trampoline coach was mapping out my new routine for the upcoming National Championships. 

‘I’m only just fitting in the twist before I land,’ I said. ‘I’m not sure there is time to prepare for the double-back.’

‘If you drive your heels more on take-off we can get you kicking out earlier, and we’ll make the time.’

My coach could not do either of the skills we were talking about - the first was an incredibly difficult double front with two and a half twists in a pike position. I certainly didn’t expect him to get up and demonstrate!

But I respect my coach because he has more expertise than me. 

‘Christie, we need you to do the majority of the squats in this workout, and then Sammy is going to do the bulk of the muscle-ups. It’s going to be tougher individually, but it’ll be faster for the team,’ my CrossFit coach was laying out how our team would split the reps in a workout. I’d just signed myself up for over 70 squats with 50kg on my back. This was going to hurt. 

I respect my coach because he is doing his best to make sure the team achieves our goals. 

As athletes, we respect our coaches because they are more skillful than us, have more expertise, or simply because we know they are doing their best to help us achieve our goals. 

And showing respect, is showing trust. 

But in the workplace…

As employees, we start from a frame of mind that our manager has to EARN our respect. We want proof that they are good at their job, before we extend respect. 

As athletes, we start from a frame of mind that we have to GIVE our respect. We show up and do what our coaches say, before we know if it will lead to us achieving our goals. We assume coaches have skill and expertise and that they are doing their best.

Imagine how magical our relationships with managers might become if we started with respect, rather than waiting for proof it is deserved. 

4) Appreciation

At the end of every training session, I thank my coach.

At the end of every tournament, I thank my coach. 

At the end of every year, I write my coach a detailed thank you card. 

I wish I had saved more of these, but here is one I wrote to my CrossFit coach in 2014, the year we went to the CrossFit Games (World Championships for those outside of the cult):

‘It’s hard to believe that it has only been a year since I joined CrossFit Athletic and met you. I definitely exceeded my wildest dreams for CrossFit this year.

A large part of this is due to you – both your belief in my potential and your coaching. I have no fear because you never, ever imply that a lift or a skill isn’t possible for me. Thus I always believe it is possible too. You seem to balance pushing your athletes with inspiring them, challenging them with understanding them. All the athletes look up to you and trust you, and I know I personally love training with you. I always manage to do my best when you are coaching.

Congratulations on building such a strong community of athletes, coaches and members. People love being at the gym, it feels like a giant family. That is not an easy thing to create, and you along with your team have done so masterfully.’

Appreciation is an acknowledgement that you had trust: ‘I trusted you, you delivered on your role as my coach / manager, and now I’m saying thank you.’ It is probably the most overlooked way that athletes and employees can acknowledge trust.

In the best coach-athlete relationships athletes appreciate their coach.

Plus, when you appreciate someone, they often turn around and write stunningly heartfelt messages in return. My coach wrote this back to me:

‘Thanks so much CJ. That is one of the nicest messages I have ever received and I am emotionally touched by it. I have loved having you at CrossFit Athletic. You are without doubt the most talented female athlete I have ever had the pleasure of coaching. On top of that you have a level of composure in competition which will see you achieve all your goals. 

It is easy for me to put in the time when I am coaching people who want it as badly as you did for yourself and your team. You represented our gym impeccably, I hope not for the last time. 

The great thing about teams is that you and I will always have a bond from what we have done together that will last a lifetime. Only people who compete with each other understand it.’

Even a decade later that still makes me cry a little. 

But in the workplace…

Why don’t we show our managers more appreciation?

Sometimes we forget to see our managers as humans. If they do everything right they are just ‘doing their job’, and the only time we’d give them feedback is if they do something wrong. Ouch. Imagine if your manager never appreciated you. 

Sometimes, we hesitate to give appreciation because it’s not the culture in our company.

Sometimes because we don’t want it to be perceived as insincere flattery and trying to gain favour.

And sometimes we are just busy and forget to take time out for this. 

But appreciation shows you trust your manager. And trust is the magic of coach-athlete and manager-employee relationships.

Take a moment right now to drop your manager a quick note in Slack or email, or to write something heartfelt in the feedback section of your 1:1 template. 

When trust is broken

As an athlete, I start every relationship with a new coach with trust. And I do the same at work. I know that for our relationship to have that spark of magic I need to start with an attitude of trust.

But… sometimes that trust is broken.

I had a coach, who I had worked with one-on-one for over a year, say he refused to coach me anymore. He did it by email (seriously, who gets dumped by email?!), 4 days before the last tournament of the season. 

I had a manager who agreed to give me extra leave for sport when I signed my contract, then try to deny it. He said ‘it seems as though you don’t care about your job’ when I tried to take time off to compete in the World Championships. 

And I had a manager spend a year giving me fantastic feedback, including a raise, and then in an abrupt 180 tell me I was underperforming and might be fired.

These experiences were devastating.

But I still start with trust. Just because your trust is broken occasionally, doesn't mean it will be this time. And without trust, there is no magic. 

It all comes down to one thing

I have had many coaches over a 30 year sporting career. 

They have helped me stand on top of the podium. They have jumped up and down to celebrate huge wins with me. They have hugged me when I’ve fallen short (or fallen off when it comes to trampolining). They have pushed me to be better, held me to higher standards, and taught me everything they know. 

My coaches have shaped who I am as an athlete and a person. 

These relationships become magical in two ways.

Coaches show BELIEF. And athletes show TRUST. 

And by taking the lessons from sport - we can bring that trust to the workplace. We can show up to work and give our managers obedience, honesty, respect and appreciation. 

The magic of coach-athlete and manager-employee relationships requires belief from the coach. But all relationships are two sided, and athletes and employees have to bring one thing too.

Trust.